alone

so i have these friends who have always been there for me... the kind u cant just replace no matter how hard u try. but the thing is they seem to be becoming a more of a memory than a solid substance... because while distance is supposed to make the heart grow founder it really only fucks up everything... i feel like i'm not included in their lives anymore like they are slowly pushing me away. they don't wanna talk to me about anything that they are going through. its more like bits and pieces that are to hard to put together. and whenever i need someone to talk to they are to busy to deal with my petty breaking heart. ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! plus my new friends are close but feel so distant :( i've gone through a lot in life and it most of it was by myself but i've grown accustomed to having someone there to help me through things but i guess things go in circles right? fuck i feel so stupid! to think that i actually would ever be happy to think one part of my life would be consistent! i thought we were over this not talking thing! i thought u were over this giving a fuck what everyone thinks! where the fuck is ur phone and y is it never on??? and for someone who loves me u sure never call! man i tell you i need to get a backbone and stop being scared to mingle... and i wish i could move outta here and move in with you because out of everyone u seem to care the most! man life is whoopin my ass right now.. i'm sad but i'm mad! i'm surrounded by "friends" but am so alone its ridiculous... u wonder why i'm her friend she actually talks to me